The Editing Process
Here, for your comparison, are a few passages from the manuscript as Roland wrote them, followed by the passages as they were edited.

A note from the editor.
Roland Smith is one of the best writers I've ever worked with. He knows how to put a story together that has strong pacing, lots of suspense, and great characterization. So when I worked with Roland on I,Q [Book One: Independence Hall] I needed only to think about the refinements of the story and therefore edited in a more subtle way. What a pleasure!

The very first page is a good example of what I'm talking about. What follows is the first page of Roland's final manuscript as he sent it to me and below that is my edited version. I made only one important change. In the first sentence I changed "their" to "the," to create Eben Lavi's impersonal point of view, and to create a question in the mind of the reader as to who the couple was and who the two children were. The less we know at the outset, the more suspenseful the story is. There are some other small changes, such as adding a comma and changing a word or two. I added "from the SUV" so that we know to connect Ziv as the one in the SUV. One of the main things I do as an editor is think about which facts should remain mysterious and which logistical details should be spelled out, so the reader is engaged, not lost. I also changed "stopped" to "paused" at the end when Eben leaves the apartment, as if he doesn't think enough of Carma and Devorah to give them more than a moment of his time.

First page as sent from Roland...

From a window across the street, Eben Lavi watched the couple and their two children leave their loft and climb into the back of a white limousine. It pulled away from the curb and started down the street. A moment later a blue SUV fell in behind the limo, three cars back, and began following.

Eben pulled his disposable cell phone out of his pocket and thumbed in a number.

"Ziv?"

"Yes," Ziv answered in his old gravelly voice.

"When they get to the park, go over to San Rafael and install the device. When you're finished come back into the city. I'll call you when I'm ready to be picked up."

Eben flipped the cell phone closed and turned to the two women standing behind him. One was named Carma, the other was called Devorah.

"Get everything cleaned up here then get to the airport to catch your flight," Eben said. "I'm going over to the park. I'll see you in a few days."

"This is crazy," Carma said. "I say we just take her now and be done with it."

Eben pulled a light jacket over his crisp waiter's uniform and straightened his tie in the mirror. "That is my decision to make," he said calmly. "And now is not the time."

"I agree with Carma," Devorah said. "It would be easier to take her here in San Francisco than it will be while they're traveling."

"Not necessarily." Eben walked to the apartment door and opened it. He stopped before stepping out into the hallway. "Fly safe," he said. "I'll call you."

He closed the door and walked down the hall wondering for the hundredth time why his superiors had decided to saddle him with two out of control woman and an old man he had never heard of who should have been put out to pasture years before.

First page with very light editing...

From a window across the street, Eben Lavi watched the couple and the two children leave their loft and climb into the back of a white limousine. It pulled away from the curb and started down the street. A moment later a blue SUV fell in behind the limo, three cars back, and began following.

Eben pulled his disposable cell phone out of his pocket and thumbed in a number.

"Ziv?"

"Yes," Ziv answered from the SUV in his old gravelly voice.

"When they get to the park, go over to San Rafael and install the device. When you're finished come back into the city. I'll call you when I'm ready to be picked up."

Eben flipped the cell phone closed and turned to the two women standing behind him. One was named Carma, the other was called Devorah.

"Get everything cleaned up here then get to the airport to catch your flight," Eben said. "I'm going over to the park. I'll see you in a few days."

"This is crazy," Carma said. "I say we just take her now and be done with it."

Eben pulled a light jacket over his crisp waiter's uniform and straightened his tie in the mirror. "That is my decision to make," he said calmly. "And now is not the time."

"I agree with Carma," Devorah said. "It would be easier to take her here in San Francisco than it will be while they're traveling."

"Not necessarily." Eben walked to the apartment door and opened it. He paused before stepping out into the hallway. "Fly safe," he said. "I'll call you."

He closed the door and walked down the hall wondering for the hundredth time why his superiors had decided to saddle him with two out of control woman and an old man he had never heard of who should have been put out to pasture years before.

Here's another example, again with only subtle editing. I trimmed a tiny bit from this conversation and I took out the reference to magic and Q being good in math, which seemed better introduced in a later conversation in the story. I substituted a reference to Angela being a good observer, which speaks to the main plot of the story, about her mother. We couldn't refer to too much at this point, in a very early scene, because we need to get to the action, so I chose the reference to Angela being a good observer.

Roland's version...

Angela was holding a plate of broccoli and carrots with a large glob of bleu cheese dressing on the side.

"Some party," I said. "There must be three-hundred people here."

"Two-hundred-fifty-six, I think," Angela said, looking out at the crowd. "Counting guests, catering staff, reporters, and security people."

She couldn't possibly have counted everyone there. People were bouncing around the arboretum like pin balls. "Did you see the invitation list or something?" I asked.

"No," Angela answered.

"Then how do you know?"

"Magic, By observing," she said with a slight smile.

I was pretty good with numbers, and I knew even more about magic, but I didn't know that trick. And I didn't know Angela well enough to know if she was kidding me or not. I looked over at the dance floor. Several other couples had joined Mom and Roger.

Final version with very light trimming and editing ...

Angela was holding a plate of broccoli and carrots with a large glob of blue cheese dressing on the side.

"Some party," I said. "There must be three hundred people here."

"Two-hundred-fifty-six, I think," Angela said, surveying the crowd. "Counting guests, catering staff, reporters, and security people."

She couldn't have possibly known the exact number. People were bouncing around the arboretum like tennis balls. "How'd you know that?" I asked.

"By observing," she said with a slight smile.

I didn't know Angela well enough to know if she were kidding me or not. I looked over at the dance floor. Several other couples had joined Mom and Roger.